I am inspired by the book The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (which is about unblocking your creativity) to begin the daily practice of scribbling down three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing each morning (must be handwritten, not typed) to get whatever random stuff is stuck in your craw, unstuck. This is a morning enema for creativity. I was shocked to discover what stinky mess came out yesterday: every random negative thought and fear and lower-consciousness idea that had been sub-lurking for decades percolated to the surface and surprised the heck out of me. If you showed me this stuff I would absolutely deny I wrote it, it is so unlike me, yet there it is, in my own handwriting. All the repressed stuff I don’t even let myself think or say out loud, I let it flow. Doubts, insecurities, hateful rages, suppressed angers and upsets, judgments and all that has remained unspoken about myself and others. I felt dirty and soiled just writing it all out. But so carthartic, so revealing. The purpose of this exercise is not to judge what is written, not to edit, just let out whatever wants to come out, and let it sit on these three pages as the truth of the moment. The idea is that eventually, a higher aspect of self will emerge thru the gook, and this is the opening of the creative experience that was blocked. So I was able to see how much stuff I repressed and how it has been functioning to block my creativity, and was draining my energy and vitality.

Doing this allowed me to be more real, more truthful for the rest of the day in all my interactions. I felt calm and in my center. I was able to see many things deeper than before, including health issues and causes. I saw that my pattern in life is to run from what is difficult, to avoid it, and yet there it is.

The process of juice feasting itself is a truthful mirror. It will reveal not only the good and the beautiful, but also the ugly. This of course can be released and flushed from one self as one owns it, acknowledges how it was self-created, takes responsibility, and then forgives and intends to do better in the future.

Today my three pages were peaceful and more directed. I felt like I have broken through to a new relationship with my body, and am learning its mysteries and complexities. I feel a new commitment to choosing total health, optimum health, beyond my egoic and control-based manipulations to force my body to lose weight through this or that program. I feel tremendous compassion for my body, in that it remained relatively strong and healthy through my years of abuse and ignorance about its true needs and the true nature of healthful practices. I feel I want to establish a friendly relationship with my body, based on trust. I feel that if it were another person and we were in a relationship, it would be sick to death of me for all the broken promises of this and that that I swore I would “never do again”. So I am re-committing like a penitent mate to reform my errant ways and let go and let my Higher Self be guided into wise practices to allow a total cellular healing take place.

I know this will take time, and I am making this commitment permanent. This means that I am moving away from eating for pleasure (for the opiate rush) and moving towards giving my body what she truly needs.

I have sent powerful intentions out for Universal support, and I have seen the manifestation of this support via diverse gifts: magical books, helpful people, synchronized timing (right place/right time) learning about methods such as EFT and aversion therapy to deal with cravings, Oprah’s The New Earth webinar to learn about the pain body, people from the past showing up with whom I need to do some balancing, and a wonderfully large, athletic dog I am dog-sitting with for three weeks who accelerates my daily walks.

Today’s Juice (so far)

4 quarts of one of my daily staples, “Snappy Tom”

• red chard/red leaf lettuce greens flavored with stevia and mint, added to:
• tons of limes (met a neighbor with a lime orchard), roma tomatoes, carrots, celery, and ginger root, flavored with pink salt, fresh ground pepper, cayenne and Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar
• right before drinking, I mix about half of these drinks with my green powders and superfoods until they resemble foamy pond scum …. it amazes me that this tastes better and better to me each day ….

Food Cravings:

• Because my teenage son wants to eat SAD food (and I do not force him otherwise) I practice both EFT tapping and aversion therapy if I get a craving or a whiff of something I used to enjoy, and imagine it crawling with worms, sweepings from the barber shop floor, and other yucky images. This is working well for me, and all cravings are fleeting.